I could have been fitted for one of these:
A GLASS EYEBALL.
When I was 12, I contracted some rare type of fierce cornea-eating bacteria in my right eye and was rushed off to see an ophthalmologist (by an ex-family practitioner who I’m surprised hasn’t been sued for malpractice yet) for a diagnosis.
I was the only one in that waiting room under the age of 80. Everyone else was there to nurse their cataracts or glaucoma.
I remember Dr. Collier, the ophthalmologist, telling me that if I had come in 24 hours later, he would have needed to fit me for a glass eye. To this day, I’m not sure if he was joking or speaking the cold hard truth. I sometimes have difficulty differentiating between the two.
The coolest part? Wearing one of these bad boys:
Elle Driver = BAD ASS
If I could whistle, I would right now.