Fertileland

Fertileland is a post that has been sitting on my “great ideas” notepad since last September.  The original idea for this post came from a place of mourning shortly after my miscarriage.  A friend of mine, who is no stranger to grief and loss, gently warned me, “Everyone will be pregnant.  Cousins, celebrities, best friends…your grandma might be pregnant.”

And it certainly seemed that way.

In the days and weeks following the miscarriage, it seemed like every week I was hearing about someone newly pregnant.  Every other Facebook post seemed to be an update of sonograms, pregnancy cravings, or “We’re having a ____!”  In fact, I found out on Facebook that another friend is pregnant just five seconds ago.

While such news is supposed to be joyous and celebratory, I was surprised at how excruciating it was for me to hear.  I felt like everyone was throwing their vibrant, fertile wombs in my face, while I was left to cry in the corner, wondering why our baby did not make it.  Truth be told, I began to “hide” all of the pregnant ladies from my Facebook Newsfeed, and did a little bit of hiding on my own.  I hated myself for my lack of enthusiasm and excitement and my insincere “Congratulations,” and I figured this was the only way to keep sane while still grieving the loss of our little one.

Now being on the other side, hearing that someone is pregnant elicits a much different response.  I can joyfully participate in the squeals, hugs, and congratulatory remarks, while hoping and praying that I get to meet their healthy little one.

And since I’m such a lists person, I created a list of all those who have been (and have delivered) or are currently pregnant during my pregnancy.  The number is up to 32.  I am thrilled that so many are blooming with life and have marriages that are flourishing in the bedroom.

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