This post was inspired by a recent conversation with a dear friend of mine about lame ass questions that (sometimes well-meaning or otherwise clueless) people ask all too often. And since she is too nice to say these things to the general public, I volunteered to share this public service announcement.
- Are you pregnant? Are you pregnant yet? Isn’t it about time you guys had kids? TICK TOCK!
If you have to ask (multiple times), chances are that you probably aren’t all that close with the person you’re asking. Some women, particularly with their first pregnancy, like to keep things under wraps during the first trimester while the chances of miscarriage are much higher. If she is pregnant, she will probably tell you when she is good and ready to share the news! And if she is not pregnant, it may be worthwhile to consider reasons WHY. Perhaps she does not WANT to be pregnant! And if she does want to be pregnant and is not pregnant, she may be desperately TRYING to get pregnant and struggling privately with the frustrations/heartbreak every single month she learns that she is still NOT pregnant. So thanks for the reminder, but still not pregnant! Nope! Not this month. Not yet! Maybe never?
***A better question might be, “So are you thinking about having kids?”
- (MEN asking): So how is breastfeeding going?
First of all, this question assumes that I am actually breastfeeding. Any mom will know what a big fat can of worms this is – breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, “breast is best”, La Leche League (a.k.a. the BOOB Nazis), pumping, bottle-feeding, nipple confusion, etc. And second of all – REALLY? You want to talk about my BOOBS right now? Should I tell you about how engorged they are and how they feel like a pile of rocks? Or how my nipples have turned to leather after being sucked on by a newborn for eight hours a day? Or how I become a standing milkshake after a warm shower? Or about all the times I sprayed poor baby’s face because that milk just SHOT right out of me! HAHAHA, that was HILARIOUS!
We never talked about my boobs before, so why now? It’s creepy and gross.
I don’t ask you about your pen, so don’t ask me about my boobs.
What is even more awesome is when a dude says, “Yeah, breastfeeding can be really hard.” Oh yeah? Why don’t YOU tell me all about it?
- So is motherhood everything you dreamed of and more? Are you enjoying every single millisecond of your new bundle of joy?
OH MY GOD. YES. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy not sleeping. Have you ever not slept for days? Scratch that. WEEKS? It is a fantastic mixture of delirium and insanity, on top of the new responsibility of taking care of a tiny little human being who just burst out of your private parts and is 100% dependent on YOU. Not to mention the projectile vomiting, tar poop, diarrhea, pooplosions, poop poop poop, pee pee pee, and crying that I have now become accustomed to all day, every day.
I love my baby. I really do.
To their credit, those asking this particular question do not have kids.
***A better question might be, “So how is motherhood?”
What questions would you add to the list?