A Birthday Letter to my KJ: ONE.

15.06.28_KimFamilySession-83Written on July 31, 2015:

Dear KJ,

Soon you will be one.  And I am sitting here wondering, “Where has the time gone?”

I still remember when the ultrasound technician told us you were a boy.  And I was excited and scared.  I had never raised a boy.  And I never had any brothers.  And I’m not a boy.  If you haven’t figured it out already, your mom gets nervous about trying new things, and raising a son was something I had never done before.

And to be honest, I wasn’t really sure how much I would like you.  I mean, I knew I would love you.  But during the three years before you were born, I fell in love with your sister.  She stole my heart in a way it had never been taken before, and I wasn’t sure how I would feel about you.

Let me tell you, I had no reason to worry.

You, son, have stolen my heart in an entirely new way.  My heart has expanded so much, sometimes I think it will burst and break.  And I’m sure you and your sister will break mine over and over again, particularly between years 12 – 18.  You know how they say parents don’t have favorites?  It’s absolutely untrue.  You are my favorite son (and Aliya is my favorite daughter).  And in order for this statement to remain true, we should stop while we are ahead.  I’m already giving your things away.

I love getting to know you.  And when you look back on my writings and you see how I didn’t take copious notes about your developmental milestones as I did with your sister, just remember that I was a different mama for you.  I was much more relaxed; unfortunately, I was a nervous wreck when I had your sister.  And I’m sure as I experience all of my and our “firsts” with her, I’ll continue to be a nervous wreck.  I’m already having anxiety about her first day of kindergarten, which isn’t for another year.  But I’ll always be more relaxed with you.  This is how younger siblings get the advantage; I know this full well, since I am one.

And while I wasn’t recording what you did and when, I sat back and just enjoyed watching you grow.  You, son, are such a happy baby.  Whenever you get excited about something, you kick your little feet, and give us your open-mouth smile.  I think your sister is your favorite.  She’s pretty hilarious, and you seem to think so too.  I’m probably a close second, and Daddy is third.  But I’m sure we will all take turns being your favorite, depending on the day.

These days you sign for “more” of everything.  More this, more that.  Everything in moderation, son.

Your fourth tooth is on its way in, but for now, we just call you Snaggletooth.

You like touching your junk, and I’m not sure if this is a boy thing or if this is a you thing.  But when you hit puberty, you are learning to do your own laundry.

For now, son, I’ll keep enjoying your sweet baby smell and cover you with as many hugs and kisses as possible because I know I can’t freeze time.  I love you so much.

Here’s to one, KJ.  You’ve made our lives so much better.

Happy birthday.

Love,
Mommy

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